I went out to lunch the other day with some girlfriends and naturally wanted to get gussied up. I pulled on my brown lace-up boots, think Pippi Longstocking, folded my skinny jeans up into a cuff, think James Dean, donned my long army green coat, think Kate Moss, topped it off with my grandpa hat, think James Macavoy, and large oval sunglasses, duh think Jacki O.
I thought I looked like I was ready for New York, or maybe exiting a grunge concert, but either way, freaking hip--like my incredibly style-savvy sis who I have been mirroring as my fashion icon as of late.
Anyhow, whilst walking out of the restaurant an employee came out from the back, looked at my outfit and commented that I had a lot of hodge-podge going on. I was instantly annoyed. I shrugged, thinking okay... thanks. "You look like Inspector Gadget," he said.
Being the polite and non-confrontational sort, I didn't want to tell him to fuck off in public and that he obviously wouldn't know good style if it bitch-slapped him, so I instead replied, "I try."
He couldn't leave it at the two insults apparently because he had to take it one further and tell me I shouldn't have to try that I should just be myself and then went into a drawn out story about his youth with some point about being unique and not trying. I stormed out of the restaurant in a rage and then slept the rest of the day as I felt sufficiently shitty about myself.
But it got me to thinking, am I trying too hard?
I mulled it over and mulled it over some more, even drawing on my high school years, shudder, and college days.
The truth is that lately I have been straddling the line on who I've always been and who I am becoming. The lines have in fact gotten so blurred that I am not sure where I stand, because who I once was is no longer exactly recognizable... a caterpillar squirming her way into butterfly.
In high school, someone once commented that my style was sporty because I often wore sweat suits. I took that as an insult. I only wore those stupid things because of the elastic and because I wasn't secure enough to really embrace my flair for the weird.
I started college thinking I had a fresh slate, I could really be who I wanted to be... but it was still a slow go discovering who that was exactly. But I started blooming nonetheless.
Well here's the thing, I am still discovering who I am! Not just style-wise but in a lot of ways. I have realized that as we grow older our tastes just keep changing. And they probably always will.
For instance: I now like sauerkraut(would literally run from the room as a child plugging my nose in horror over the smell) And Newsweek(thought it was boring and pretentious) And black coffee(only old men drink that) And Flogging Molly(too much rock) And not matching my clothes all the time(hippies).
So the consensus is, I am not trying too hard, I am simply refining my tastes.
Bottom line: If Inspector Gadget I am, then I happily accept.