Saturday, January 1, 2011
Every December I begin contemplating how I should change come January 1st. And every January 1st my list could easily be recycled from the previous year: lose weight, procrastinate less, believe in myself more, be more loving, enjoy the little moments in life—all very Tuesdays with Morrie.
While these are all seemingly valid improvements that I always want to make, I end up hating dieting, hating myself, and dismissing my list of improvements when I want a quickie with a double cheeseburger from McDonalds.
For the first time in my life—I hate that statement because it’s so dramatic, but it really does apply here—I did not put losing weight or any variation of losing weight/ loving myself on my list. It’s actually preposterous that I need to write that down as a to-do once a year; like I need reminding that I am worth loving. And as if I ever go a day of my life without looking in the mirror and thinking I’d look better without so much insulation.
But guess what? There’s nothing wrong with ringing in the New Year wanting to better myself, even if it does seem to be a wasted effort year in and year out.
This year I want it to mean something though. I want it to be different. I don’t want to go into yet another year telling myself I am not good enough and need to be slim in order to make everything else happen.
That’s the biggest change I need to make. And for awhile I have been preparing. I stopped dieting a few months ago. I don’t know if I’ll ever go back. I hate portion control. I hate counting calories or having someone tell me I can’t lick a knife with cream cheese on it because it means I have no discipline. Fuck you. I want to lick the knife and I hardly think that one extra taste of cream cheese is going to add that big of a dimple to my thighs anyway.
So New Year here’s want I want from you:
To be healthy— A wise and very healthy person I know told me the reason he continues to eat so healthy is because he pays attention to how his body feels when he eats healthy vs. not healthy. I have been trying this novel technique and holy Kit-Kats, guess what? McDonalds makes me sick. It tastes delicious, but every time I eat it I feel like a vat of diarrhea. So this is a long overdue adieu.
To focus on what I want from life and not obsess over what I don’t want. What I want is worth pursuing, what I don’t want is not worth wasting energy on. Also thank my healthy friend for these words of wisdom.
To give myself the attention I deserve, meaning not rolling out of bed five minutes before I have to go to work and schlepping in make-up-less and bedraggled and wondering all day why I feel lousy and irritable.
So New Year New Me? Eh, the old me is not so shabby. She just needs a little tweaking. And that’s about it folks. I mean being more loving, kind, patient and less interested in trashy celebrity television goes without mentioning. There’s something to be said for Tuesdays with Morrie. And if you haven’t read that book, then there’s an idea for your list of resolutions.
Let's hear it for the New Year!