Friday, May 18, 2012

The Great Gatsby-- Part Un

If any of you know me, you know that I am smitten with my soul. I mean, I aim to inextricably please this fickle creature in my life's hot pursuits. I want the best coffee that my lips could touch, I want adventures Magellan would be envious of, and heck I want a Casablanca-esque love to name a few. Why on earth not? So, it was no laughing matter when about a week ago I felt this pang, somewhere in the depths of my existence alerting me that something was off. I was at a red light at the intersection between my gym and work. And as soon as I felt this longing, I knew what it was. My soul was hungry. And it wasn't a mild hunger. It came on like a torrential downpour. Instantly I felt stricken. My soul hadn't been properly fed in awhile and she was angry and distraught. My knee-jerk reaction to this was of course dramatic. Always. Instead of going straight toward home, I quickly toyed with the idea of turning right and driving far away. Visions of mountains, water, or wilderness instantly came to mind. Then I wanted music. Big band and full skirts. Or death defiance. Where was the nearest rock-face for me to scale? If you know where I live, you know the answer is nowhere. So now, my soul wasn't just hungry, but I was blue; there was no soul food in sight and not much doing about it. My poor dear would have to go hungry. The more time that passed without me figuring out what my soul craved, the more angsty I became. I was waking up agitated. I couldn't concentrate and I was desperate to run away. Again, this happens more often than you would imagine. Until... Yesterday. The day started off a little rocky, with me missing my workout due to sheer sleep deprivation. I stumbled into work, still no better rested, discombobulated and worn out. I was frantic to get coffee coursing through my veins and bring me back to myself. After several cups of Caramel Praline Crunch accompanied by cinnamon Ezekiel toast--yumm-o--and a lovely chat with my boss I was feeling less spastic. Then it happened: I got news that a dear friend of mine will be visiting for my birthday where we will be doing something I have always dreamt of--skydiving! Furthermore there is a grand adventure on my horizon and just sensing its nearness was making me feel as if I should break out in a jig. When my sister showed up at work, I did. Because she brings out the best in me. And when she felt further compelled to jump into my arms and wrap her tiny frame all around me, I let her. Delight. All of a sudden I could feel a shift in my being. My soul was getting much needed nourishment. Finally! And I was euphoric; so much so, that I turned to my sis and said, "I don't know if I could take more excitement or happiness. Well I could, I always could. But this is perfect." And then, the unthinkable happened, it got better...

1 comment:

Cherstin Holtzman said...

It got better? Oh, how could you leave us hanging like that??! I've often felt that hunger, too; it can be such a good wake-up call. It's like a tap on the back, a polite stranger reminding you to not let the "day-to-day" be the most important thing(s) in your life.

It's easy to forget about ourselves, isn't it? When people ask me, "What do you do?" I tell them, "I'm a mom, a wife, a full-time student, an aspiring writer, a sometimes-blogger,..." and the list goes on, but none of those is really me. I mean, didn't I exist before I was a mom? Before I was married? Before I went back to school?

Sure I did, and you did, too. It's not easy finding time to live life the way we want to, but when we can,...ahhh. It can be so great! :) Thanks for a wonderful post!